Don't worry.

To all ma brothas. After speaking with Papa K and Tre Kidd, I want to let everyone know that I'm trying to keep the blog PG-18. That being said, it's safe to say you can open a link at work without being fired. If you are fired, my bad. 

Always judging.

I'm always a little apprehensive about whipping my computer out (amongst other things) on the train and watching stuff. I think everyone is. I feel like I should be using Excel instead of being a degenerate and watching movies; but I can't help being a degenerate. I'm always worried the person next to me is constantly watching my screen, because I definitely watch theirs. I really enjoy reading someone else's email. I was once watching Tropic Thunder, sitting next to a nice little old lady. When I was about to get off the train she said, "Funny movie, isn't it?" 

Today on the train, a serious guy - glasses (assuming they make a person more serious), suit, the whole deal, was watching this.  

This guy.

Bobby Jindal, annoying. Makes me feel much better when I think of him saying, "Danny Boyle." 

Dear Mr. President

Make me a job, please. 

Mayer does GaGa, dah.

Click me, please. 

Beard Head.

You know you want one.  

Yes.

My Morning Jacket live with Erykah Badu. 

Black Cab Music Sessions.

My Morning Jacket. 

Try the Fleet Foxes one too. 

You're very welcome. 

The Oscars

Thoughts on the Oscars...

- I can't believe I watched people walk down a red carpet for over an hour. Couldn't stop watching; it's like crack...and pringles. 

- Oscar Hosts:  Frank Sinatra, Johnny Carson, Billy Crystal, Whoopi Goldberg, Steve Martin, Chris Rock, David Letterman, Jon Stewart AND Wolverine. 

- Ryan Seacrest* asked one of the little Slumdog children who he [the child] was wearing. The kid looked as if he was about to say, "my little sister made it for me back at the Nike factory in India for .23 cents an hour...I mean, she made it for free." 

- Acceptance speeches are awkward. 

- Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are too important, too famous to stop for an interview. Really?  How can you go to the most eagerly awaited, highly anticipated, often imitated, yet never duplicated events of the year,** which you're livelihood depends on (memorizing lines that someone else wrote ), and not answer a few questions. Furthermore, don't adopt an entire village of children and not expect people to ask you family questions. It's silly. Really, it is. 

- I'm in love with Anne Hathaway, she just doesn't know it yet. 

- Mickey Rourke is a...weirdo. 

- As Brad Pitt did field questions on the red carpet, he did so while continuing to walk as if he was in a hurry. You're not a jockey at the Kentucky Derby being interviewed alongside a reporter, relax. You're married to Angelina Jolie, life isn't so bad. Stop being such a dick. 

- Ben Stiller was funny. 

- Listening to an Indian say, "Danny Boyle" never gets old. 

- The most "famous" people were sitting in the first 8 rows. Jolie, Pitt, Hathaway, Langella, Streep, Rourke, Winslet all in one row. Can you say, "power row?" 

- To the little Japanese men who won for Best Foreign Film and for Best Animated Short Film, "Sank You. Sank you berry much." 

- When struggling to read the teleprompter Will Smith definitely referenced a youtube video saying, "boom goes the dynamite." 

- Is Kate Winslet really shocked when she wins, or is she just really good at acting surprised? Either way she's a good actress...Hiyoo! 

- Enough with Beyonce! Enough. I feel like when I open a bathroom stall door she's going to be standing on the toilet. She's everywhere. Stoppit. 

* Ryan Seacrest's production company produced the E! red carpet special as well as the Kardashian reality show. Seacrest should be the one being interviewed. The man is working. 

** The Jr. Skeeter Swift trumps the Oscars. 

Even Hardball Matthews rides da train.

As I was getting off the train (coming home from my new gig at Rolling Stone)*, Chris Matthews was getting on as it headed onward towards Washington. I was pleasantly surprised that Hardball Matthews rides the train and did not have a chauffeur. 

I looked at him for a second, registered, pointed and said, "Hardball" and continued walking. 

*I'm smug. 

Old Fashioned Baseball

Awesome. 

Nice beard, man.

The art of the rock star beard. 

note: Joaquin Phoenix is not a rock star. He's a weirdo. 

Girls just want to grind?

Overheard a larger, healthier looking girl at the bar the other night talking to her friends. When deciding what they were going to do for the night, the queen bee (obviously, big momma), said, "I don't care where we go, I just want to grind and make out with a guy."

I cried myself to sleep. 

Phish Cover

Unreal.

Sigur Ros: Heima

Check out the DVD, live in Iceland.

Dylan.

One of those days...

Blog Name

Please post blog name suggestions in the comments section. Nothing crude, like say, Brain Fart.

Collaboration to be.

Jim James of My Morning Jacket and Robin Pecknold of Fleet Foxes.

If it hasn't happened, it should. Maybe start a religion too.

Eastbound and Down.

There's a new HBO series starring Danny McBride and exec-produced by Will Ferrell and Adam McKay; you've heard about it. It's like a bad Saturday Night Live skit (like most) that goes on for too long, where there's a weird silence between dialogue, and you start to feel awkward even in you're own home. There's a funny one liner just about every 4 or 5 minutes. Other than that I think everyone is just waiting for a scene that features Will Ferrell. Danny McBride has a mullet which is funny, I guess...

If I thought anyone read this blog, or that I had any clout in my critique of the entertainment world I might title this post, "Eastbound and Down? More like Eastbound and Down drowns..."

Hiyooo!

The Onion.

Funny.

Heavy Metal Drummer - Travis Barker.

Try this. 

This. 

and if you're still not sold, this.

Madonna Mia.

I love Israel. I love being Jewish. 

Looking at her picture almost (definitely) makes me angry. Why aren't there more girls like her on J-Date?*

We should be together. We're both chosen, 23 and hot. Either Leonardo DiCaprio really likes guys, or he's a huge anti-Semite for letting her get away. 

A striking/incestual/creepy resemblance between the two in their earlier years. 

  

*I'm not on J-Date, yet. I've heard you can clean up. 

He's Stump. He's Stump.

Congratulations to 10-year-old* Stump on winning the 133rd Westminster Kennel Club dog show. Look at the gait on that thing! 

When asked what he was going to do now that he won best in show, Stump reportedly responded by licking his penis. 

* Why do people feel it necessary to exaggerate the age of a dog by noting it in "dog years?" By this point, isn't everyone familiar with "dog years" to the point where if a dog is older than say, 8, we get that the dog is old. No need for "doggy years", thank you. 

I'm 23, but in dog years I'm 2 and a half.  Sorry for peeing on your foot. 

 

More videos.

If you didn't like John Mayer before, try it. It feels good. 

Face melting guitar solos to be posted soon...

Still listening...

Do it. Click it. 

I talk to jungle animals.

dood. In one of the most beautiful places in the world, and all I could think of was THIS.

An ad for your consideration.

       Philadelphia. Where crime happens. 

Impulse

Sometimes when my dog smells another dog outside, I feel obligated to smell its owner. 

Steve Martin on SNL.

Check it. 

If this performance had been a joke, it might have been funny. Instead it's creepy, often keeps me awake at night, and makes me wonder how much Steve Martin likes children...

Note: Guy on the right...rock star.  

Who's Got My Grammys?

Thoughts on the Grammys. 

- Bono is still a tool.

- Whitney Houston is obviously still using drugs...hard. 

- Clive Davis owns all of music. 

- Coldplay = Sgt. Pepper's Horrible Hobo Band.  

- Paul McCarney's dyed hair is silly looking. 

- Miley Cirus should never win a grammy, ever.

- Jay-Z used to be cool. Yeah, I said it. 

- The process isn't entirely fixed because the Jonas Brothers lost. There is hope. 

- Kate Beckinsale will be mine.

- Adele goes to show that it's about the talent, not the...  

- Robert Plant and Allison Krauss. I guess. 

- Will.I.Am, we get the whole "I can do hip-hop but also be sophisticated and political" thing. Obama is President. Stop looking so angry. 

- Radiohead makes me think hard drugs are worth pursuing. 

- Stevie Wonder ended the show because he doesn't see it as disrespectful that people are getting up to leave. He can't see. 

Did you ever think of mentioning these two in the same sentence: The Jonas Brothers and Stevie Wonder.  I've always been a fan of the often unusal collaborations on the grammys. i.e. Elton John/Eminem, but they got this one all wrong. 

- I'm embarrassed for music. 

- The lead singer of the Jonas Brothers sucks the most. 

- Each Jonas Brother tried to have an intimate moment with Stevie Wonder on stage until they realized he can't see.

- All of the Jonas Brothers wear tighty whiteys and would rather not have weiners; they're inconvenient. 

My First Blog.

I did it, I blogged. But I forgot to wipe.