Class Trip.

Must read. Funny.

"A Fire Beneath Me" - A Haiku.

The late April heat.
Walking, waddling, chaffing.
Prescription for me.

Small talk at the office.

Intern: How's it going?
Me: Pretty good, same old...trying not to get swine flu. How are you?

Summer Concert Tour.

Kicked off last night with The Dead live at Madison Square Garden. 

- Highlights included Sugaree and Gimme Shelter. 

- There's an extreme awkwardness in the audience at least 2 minutes into every dead song until someone can recognize the title. Even the most veteran deadheads struggle. 

- Warren Haynes keeps the band tight and on track. 

- Mike Gordon was sitting on the side of the stage. 

- Sitting directly behind the stage is a cool way to see a show. 

- Give someone a 'miracle'. 

- Don't eat pre-wrapped burritos. 

- The crowd outside of a dead concert is scary, depressing and smelly. 

Flu.

If I keep kosher, can I still get swine flu? 

Beef.

Apparently Subway does not offer a turkey $5 footlong anymore. Really? So when I'm standing in line, practicing and reciting my order in my head for 5 minutes while waiting in line, I'm told that the $5 footlong deal DOES NOT include turkey. So in front of everyone in line I have no choice but to say, "It's ok, I'll pay the extra", as opposed to: A. being a complete hobo and saying I can't afford it and walking out completely defeated, or B. Saying, "Oh that's ok, I want ham. I love ham. I wanted lots of ham anyway. Ham, ham, ham, ham...ham."

The $5 footlong deal is crap! 

Plan B.

Check this out.  

Pretty awesome, right? I mean, c'mon...who's with me!? 

I'm kidding, I'm kidding...But seriously...

Sir Lebron.

At some point in the near future, Lebron James will legally change his name to simply, 'Lebron'; no James needed. 

Up there with the likes of Madonna, Prince, Sting, Beck, and...Your mother. 

Melting.

Name this man. Last seen on the stage during Girl Talk. Coachella Music Festival 2009. 

Robotics.

Oh, Stephen Hawking is 'ill'. Because he was totally normal before...

I mean, no offense, but c'maaan...look at this guy. 

To do list.

- Walk up to someone wearing a suit and holding a folder and ask, "How'd the interview go?" 

- Stare at the subway tracks until you see a rat. 

- Stand in the front of an elevator, and take your time exiting. 

- Watch the Martha Stewart Show and then remember that she was in prison. 

- Ask a random person, "Have you ever seen a grown man naked before?"

- Stare at a toddler in a stroller until it's awkward. 

Tyler Perry

Why do all of his shows use his name in the title? 

- Tyler Perry's House of Payne

- Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail

- Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns 

- Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married

The list goes on...

Is it really necessary for his name to be in every title? He's the only black guy that has a monopoly on predominately black sitcoms. It's cocky. 

Refer to oneself in the third person more often. Babou likes. 

Are you there God, it's me...

Pull God's finger.

Cool... science...

*Yes, I capitalize God. 

'Lights Out' for Kalas.

RIP Harry Kalas, the voice of the Philadelphia Phillies.

My face.

A conversation that took place. 

Friend: Are you going to Phish this summer?

Me: Uh, yeah. 

Friend: Yeah, I'm trying to get tickets for Red Rocks. 

Me: You should. Go on StubHub. It's worth it. 

Friend: Yeah, I probably will. Did you pay face?

Me: Yes, I will be paying with my face. Consider it melted. 

Can't help but think...

So you're watching Women's basketball (why you're watching is another story), and you can't help but go through the lineup and wonder...

'Would I ______ her?' 

ffffbeat, beat her. Beat her at basketball. The game of basketball. 

Dylan's still got it.

Listen to 'Feel a Change Comin' On'  off his new album. 

"She and Him"

Zooey Deschanel & M. Ward. 

Look for it and listen. 

Band Names.

Mookie Blaylock's Funk Infusion. 

&

The Sticky Bandits. 

Women's College Basketball...

is terrifying. The hardest, most frustrating sport to watch. It's already bad enough, and this on top of it...

- The inability to look smooth

- The coaches hairdos 

- The fouls

- Geno Auriemma

  I would never leave a child unattended with this man, Geno Auriemma.